Delicate delusion

I’m setting this post to paid. It’s not something I do often, but I explain why I do it in this post.

I occasionally check the notes left by people who unsubscribe. Sometimes I’m trying to find a pattern, though not as often these days. After a couple years of doing this, I’ve realized there is no pattern. I’ll lose people for posting too often and I’ll lose people for posting too little. I’ll lose some if I talk about my dog too much, and just as many for not talking about him. Post about politics and I’ll drop a few. Avoid politics and drop a few more. In general, I gain more than I lose with each post. And most who unsubscribe, it’s got fuckall to with me or what I said. Sometimes the message in your inbox is only a reminder that you meant to unsubscribe from that the last time, but you were busy. I do it too. Money’s short or time’s short and everyone’s just trying to get through their day. Sometimes I only check to comp someone who says they got laid off or whatever. I doubt it means a damn thing but it’s what I can do.

The funnier notes are those addressed to my manager. They want whomever’s in charge to know that I should watch my mouth, change my opinion, shut the fuck up about it and post about, I don’t know. Taylor Swift maybe. Though my manager would get as many notes about my opinion on Taylor Swift.

I don’t have one, a manager or an opinion on Taylor Swift. My nieces love her and that’s terrific. It’s only me working here and if your letter to me about me went on too long, I stopped reading because I’m profoundly uninterested in your advice about my career. And while I am often inclined to fire myself or talk some damn sense into me, the subject is more often getting some goddamn sleep or taking a shower or doing some work on the book, which is what I’m supposed to be worrying about. And I do. I’ve so far been as unsuccessful at firing me as I’ve been about going to bed on time. I just keep showing up and doing this shit to myself and staying up later than ever, even though my boss is usually high and kind of an asshole, especially when deprived of sleep.

All I can do is write what I can, hope it connects with a few people, and hope I can keep doing it. If I try to write what I think people will want to read, it’ll drive me crazy and it’ll be shit anyway.

Here’s a picture of Woody enjoying his Saturday, probably more than any of us. Paywall after the photo.