Viagra and peanut butter

I’m the person who always thinks, “man, I should subscribe to this one” and then I don’t because I don’t know where my wallet is, and then I forget again until next time when I think “man I should subscribe to this.” Anyway if you’re like me, I thought I’d help out and put this at the top so if you’re considering becoming a paid subscribing member, it’s right there. And thank you.

I’ve had a family for 4 days. One 13 year old child, who’s not mine and for whom I bear no responsibility whatsoever. She generally stays in her room on account of being 13. One sister in law who’s my brother’s wife, not mine. And one brother, who can feed himself, I imagine. He’s usually on some sort of fast he learned about in a podcast. And two dogs. One dog is mine. He’s fairly easy to live with. He likes his walk and his meals at certain times. He requires two hours of play or a long walk daily. And he would prefer there be water in his bowl. The other dog, I may have mentioned, is a decrepit, diaper wearing chihuahua, who consorts with demons. This second dog belongs to the sister in law.

These people (and one animal) are not my problem. I didn’t marry anyone. Didn’t vow anything about meals or laundry or hiding viagra pills in peanut butter. To be clear, the chihuahua takes the viagra. I’m not sure why. I think I remember hearing something about a heart condition but it may be something to do with satanic rituals. I’m just my brother’s sister, whose niece, who won’t be named in the will, rudely said is kind of like uncle Eddie. No wait… I just mean you showed up in a van. I wasn’t saying… Your dog does slobber a lot though.

The point is, I have no responsibilities here. I haven’t even done my own laundry. I woke up this morning at nine, fed and walked the dog, made some coffee, put a log on the fire, and sat down to work. I gave up after about an hour and started writing this. It’s now 2pm and all I’ve managed is these two and a half paragraphs. I’ve been interrupted for the following emergencies: