You don't get a new dick. I'm sorry.

My book was due in March. I have ninety thousand words that are not a book. I’ve gone weeks where I don’t write a word. But these days, I wake up every morning and turn on the TV because, turns out, the olympics are the perfect background noise. Not the Peacock channel. It’ll go silent after a while and I have to hit a button. I bought an HD antenna and…