You're not drinking Kessler's, Zach.

Rich dudes need to stop singing about rotgut whiskey. Tyler Childers is the one exception because he used it once and it’s a good song and he’s unlikely to keep using it. I mean Zach Bryan can stop singing about rotgut whiskey.

I’m not mad at Zach. It’s not personal. I didn’t date him. I just drove halfway across the country and he and his rotgut whiskey are hard to avoid. I thought there was only the one rotgut whiskey song. But Woody made friends with some roughnecks in the parking lot of an Econolodge in Mississippi, and while Woody was having a moment with a scary looking dude on his knees with his face in my dog’s fur, I didn’t really know what to do. This happens at the sort of motels I can afford. Of the Days Inn/Red Roof Inn level of shithole motels, Econolodge is almost always the better bet. But the parking lots tend to be full of roughnecks or road crews drinking on someone’s tailgate.

I’ll bring Woody out to select the finest bush in the Econolodge parking lot to piss on, and he’ll smile at some burly ass motherfucker. He can pick’em. Just about every time, I have to stand there while a burly ass motherfucker makes out with my dog. Seems wrong to watch a grown man baby talk sweet nothings into my dog’s ear. So I’m left to make awkward conversation with the other dudes drinking on the tailgate.

This time, Zach Bryan was on the radio. Another song with a rotgut reference. Which is how I ended up obsessing over what my “rotgut whiskey” is. Some word or phrase I fell in love with and can’t stop using. I came up with a few. It was a long drive.

Do you like it when I talk about writing? I don’t know if it’s weird to read. I like it when others write about writing but I’m a writer. I suppose it feels weird because when I say that, I’m still waiting for someone to laugh.

Let’s make this a paywalled post. I have no reason to but that I want to. I’ve explained this before. Before I hit the paywall, there are a couple things I feel strongly about sharing, as a public service.

1. Point6 socks are the best wool socks. I bought a pair, when was Snowmaggeddon, 2009? I bought a pair in 2009, maybe 2010. They’re a little worn out but they’re still wearable. Nevermind that. It’s the toebox. Every other pair of wool socks I’ve bought crushes my toes, or they fall down or pinch or fall apart or have a weird plastic feel to them, and I have tried every pair of wool socks on the market. Point6 socks are the perfect sock is what I’m saying. I love them. They’re not paying me to say this. But I wouldn’t mind if they did. And they’re having a sale right now. So if you’re into socks..

2. The song you were looking for is Overseas by Jason Isbell.

3. But the best band you might not’ve heard yet is Bones of JR Jones. I don’t know if that’s supposed to be J. R. or Junior. I don’t know if it’s a band or a dude. I don’t want to know. I just know if you randomly pick a song and turn it the fuck up, it’ll be the coolest shit you’ve heard in a long ass time. But if we were smoking a joint in my truck right now—for this scene to work, you should know that I am the sort of asshole who’ll get way too excited to make you listen to a song—I would start with Sinner Song. And if you made the mistake of agreeing that it’s good shit, I’d put Hearts Racing on next, maybe Sing Sing.

4. Socks are a great Christmas gift. I don’t care what anyone says.

Okay I’m gonna talk about writing now. Maybe. I enjoy pretending I’ve got any idea what I’ll type next. I’m sorry. I sent my shit in to my editor. And it was great. She sent me an email before thanksgiving to say it’s not complete shit and we’d talk after the holiday. And I somehow still managed to forget that in publishing, at least New York publishing, the publishing run by people who use “summer” as a verb, the holiday ends some time in January. (I know, right?) It’s fine. Everything’s fine.

Here’s a picture of Woody. I think this was in Arkansas because he didn’t have an orange collar yet.

(We didn’t sleep in the truck. But we could have. And we take breaks, for Woody to decompress, to stretch our legs. One thing Texas does right is these little picnic areas where you are allowed to sleep. Insanely, you’re not allowed to sleep at rest areas in a lot of states. You can sleep at rest areas in Texas. But the rest areas are sometimes crowded and noisy. Picnic areas tend to be empty and not marked by a lot of signs about where I can’t walk my dog. Cont…

Look how civilized this is.)