I was watching the debate, or whatever the fuck we’re calling that, an hour into whatever the fuck that was, when my phone buzzed. A guy I know was in town and asked what I was doing. “Wishing I had stronger drugs,” I said. “I can’t fucking watch this.”
He said he was in town for a work thing. Come get a drink. It seemed like a better idea than screaming HOW THE FUCK IS THIS REAL between desperate inhales of weed that wasn’t doing the trick. So I got in the shower.
A half hour later, at the Whitehorse, a honky tonk that smells like a locker room, I slammed a shot of Jim Beam. He said he’d never seen me do shots. I said, “Yeah. Well. Did you watch any of it?”
He said he caught a little. Then, “Can I tell you something and you don’t yell at me?”
I said, “No promises.”
He said something I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say in real life. Sure, a CNN panel of dipshits. Someone who wants to get on TV maybe. But I didn’t think they really existed. “I don’t actually know who I’ll vote for.”
Any other night. Four years ago. Eight. Any other time in my life. I might’ve lost my shit. But I just watched a medium rare corpse try to fight a brain damaged Mussolini by mumbling madlibbed bureaucracy speak at him and I didn’t have much left in me.
How the fuck are we here again. No one’s learned anything. They’ll just let Trump lie, still, and we’re supposed to pretend our guy is fine, great actually, good as ever. I’m supposed to yell something about the most effective legislative president in history or explain the economy is separate from inflation or I don’t fucking know.
I’m scared. This is the best we can fucking do? I get it. He’s been effective. Passed a lot of shit. Or someone did. Was handed a fucking mess. Turned the country around. But I saw it. We all did. A doddering old man who couldn’t string a sentence together trying to debate Trump with talking points. Trump looked like a fucking buffoon. But he looked alive. He created a narrative. I can’t say the same for Joe.
I asked my friend why he didn’t know who to vote for. He said, “Okay, obviously I hate Trump. But Biden’s completely fucked this country.”
I know. If I saw it in a tweet or whatever, I’d think the same. But I didn’t hear it from a stranger on socials. I heard it from a guy I know, who I’ve known a long damn time. I know his wife and his kid. This is a guy who helped me bury my dog.
Here’s the thing. I live in Texas. I spent three months last year driving around this goddamn country talking to people. And a whole lot of people I talked to, just like my friend, they don’t get their news from CNN and they don’t read papers and they don’t get their news from social media either. They have jobs and lives and kids. They don’t have time. They get their news from going to work every day and coming home and going to the grocery story and the gym and talking to friends.
I asked him what he meant. He mentioned he’ll never be able to afford a house now and he makes plenty of money but he can barely afford groceries and gas. His parents bought a house back in the day on just his dad’s construction salary. They had plenty to eat and enough for a vacation once a year and hockey gear and braces. Now, he heard Biden talking about creating jobs, and, I quote, “We don’t need fucking jobs. Everyone I know has three of them at least.”
The fuck am I supposed to tell him? I told him he was right. That this is why it’s fucking embarrassing to be a democrat and why I don’t call myself one anymore. That they fucking suck at messaging and they suck at fighting. They’ll talk your ear off about shit no one cares about, buzz words and bipartisan bills and infrastructure and job creation that mean fuckall when you’ve got a job and a one year old and you can’t afford strawberries.
It’s always been something of a joke. How fucking bad democrats are at staying on message and creating a narrative and giving a guy like him a reason to vote or fighting at all. But if he doesn’t vote, a few too many of him don’t vote, it may well be the last time any of us get to cast a vote.
He said Biden looked half dead. And I said yeah. Because I’m not fucking delusional and I won’t be pretending that was just a cold and that I’m not scared. I’d like to know who the fuck is running this country. Because it’s not Biden.
He said it didn’t really matter. His wife’s telling him he has to vote for Biden because of abortion. So he probably will because she’s right. That does matter.
That’s all he had. And I didn’t have much more. I hope it’s enough.
You want me to tell him what Biden’s done for him. Fuckall as far as he can see. And what’s worse, he doesn’t see Biden trying. He hears buzzwords that mean nothing. He hears the economy is fine. Maybe it is. But his economy, the economy of can we afford a vacation and can we afford to have another child and can we afford Kraft or do we have to get the store brand mac and cheese and will we ever afford a house, his economy looks like shit. And I can’t argue with him. Because he’s fucking right.
And I’m fucking scared.
Exactly! I know who I’ll vote for but five minutes in I thought “fuck.” Where’s the guy who did the State of the Union? What is happening?
I’m scared. I’ve been scared for a while. I don’t understand how good people can support the liar. Still, we all know good people who do. People who - because of the family, friends, associates, circumstance, support the liar. And I’m scared.
I joined Postcards to Voters and I write - because I’m scared. I talk politics and explain how things could change forever, because I’m scared.
Today, I’m actually retiring from a job after 32 years. I’m not happy or excited, I’m scared. Not about money, or about giving up a routine. I’m scared we are losing our country, our freedoms, our democracy.
But crawling back into bed and pulling the covers over my head won’t help. Now, I gotta figure out what to do next. How to be less scared.
Good God. Same. That was terrifying. Biden needs to step the fuck aside and Dems need to quit saying that we can’t win with anyone but a straight white man and we need to put up Pete or Booker or Abrams or Whitmer or somebody who’s smart and can fucking run that racist sexist fascist into the ground.