I’m the person who always thinks, “man, I should subscribe to this one” and then I don’t because I don’t know where my wallet is, and then I forget again until next time when I think “man I should subscribe to this.” Because of my aversion to social media, I rely entirely on y’all sharing posts you like. And I truly appreciate it when you do. Anyway if you’re like me, I thought I’d help out and put this at the top so if you’re considering becoming a paid subscriber, it’s right there. And thank you.
"It’s not funny that we’re all avoiding each other. It’s not a thing we should be bragging about or excusing with the results of a poll saying we’re an introvert. It’s a thing we need to fix. You’re not supposed to just announce you have anxiety without fucking working on it. We all have anxiety. We’re not fucking special. Look around. We’re supposed to do something about it. Try."
I will. I'm gonna try harder. Thanks for the head's up...
“They never learned to put aside a fight that doesn’t matter because something else, like mom’s gonna be home soon and if we don’t clean the kitchen..” I was transported to my 14 year-old self putting away the knife I was chasing my brother with because mom was going to be home soon and we’d both catch hell of the kitchen wasn’t clean.
This is so good. The first part made me laugh (oldest of 6), then the paragraph that starts "More importantly, they’ve never learned to love their worst enemy" made me cry, then the last part made me feel ill. I'm scared you're right.
Lol. Thank you for this. As an only child, I do feel these things you speak of, I just never do them because it would be rude. I was brought up by very polite people who saved me, I believe, from the worst qualities of an only child. I totally agree with your last paragraph as well. We need more real connection, not less. I’m lucky enough to work with dogs for 31 years, and they have taught me a lot about not judging, compassion and the benefits of butt scratches. Love the writing. 💖💯🌈
They still want us to shut up and watch TV, don't talk about the bad stuff, just be nostalgic for a past that never was. Getting punched, sat on called fat. Watching them fight, steal, pee in my trash can. There are plenty of sibling rivalries where one literally dies, take Cain and Abel. My brothers were a good argument for only children.
It does seem to be an epidemic. I have a neighbor I've had for years and lately he just decides he's going to converse at a normal-to-loud daytime volume with his window wide open at 2:30am. I don't know if he has new late-night friends or he's lost his mind or what it is that's happening, but I feel certain he wouldn't have done this 5 years ago...or 7 or 11 or 17 because that's how long he's lived in the house next door and this has never happened in all these years. And he's a nice guy. We have, indeed, forgotten how to share the space.
While I'm here I wanted to say I loved Leaving Isn't the Hardest Thing and I just upgraded to a paid subscription and I think you're phenomenal.
But might I suggest that those who are NOT only children have CHOSEN to turn toward their egotistical selves and prefer to feel 'special' (i.e. entitled) than be fully human (fallible, generous, respectful) towards others.
I can't tell you how many total strangers I'd like to just slap because they act like they are more important than everyone around them.. all the time. I used to think to myself 'there's a person I do not need to know' when an (20%) occasional person acted like an ass, but now it seems like it's 90% or more.
Thanks for writing this. Can't wait to read more comments.
Some ranch podcast I was geeking out with the other night (okay, RedHills Rancher, and he's pretty good if you can stand the mild libertarian dumbass shit he say sometimes but he's fun and all about regenerative or sustainable or whatever ranching instead of making Bayer richer). So this guest of his was saying how living in the country makes people more self-sufficient and so he doesn't need anybody else. Both true and bullshit. True because you may have do be your own water and sewer department and you can grow some of your own food and say fuck off to the condo association. But in this poverty-encrusted run-down former village where I live, people don't have enough tools to get shit done so they borrow from people. And people lend a hand. Stop by in the morning and there's coffee. Because we aren't alone, after all. And when there ain't many of us, we need one another a fuck of a lot more. That's why you wave at strangers on the Dry Cimmaron dirt road to Kenton. That dude in the MAGA hat may be the guy you need to pull you out of a snowbank sometime. They may be an asshole in so many ways, their kid may be on crack and their fences look like shit but when the chips are down they've got a tow-chain and know how to use it without getting killed.
And also, too many people never had their little sis coax you into that big toy box then sit on it for like half an hour while you wondered if you would smother and all the while taunted you for not being able to do tricks on roller skates. But the bad stuff we saw in one another, the dumb shit we did, well, we forgot about it and don't bring it up. Ever. Like that time sis decided to oh never mind. Shit happens. We let shit slide.
Oldest of five, here. Everything was “AllofOurs”. Sharing was life. Even when we “hated” (of course, not really) each other, we would still have each others backs when someone else tried to hurt one of us. Even though we have all grown into completely different adult lives, we would still have each other’s back, even though some of us barely communicate now. And sharing with others is a way of life for all of us. There seems to be a balance we need to achieve in relationships where we have individual ownership of some things and consideration for other’s needs and boundaries. I know many “only” children who are the epitome of consideration and generosity. A sense of entitlement and inconsiderate behavior comes from a different place. (Perhaps inherent selfishness?) I am sad that you have had such difficult experiences with “onlies.” I wish you better in the future.
I love this, I loved it when it was just about only children, and I loved where you went with it.
"It’s not funny that we’re all avoiding each other. It’s not a thing we should be bragging about or excusing with the results of a poll saying we’re an introvert. It’s a thing we need to fix. You’re not supposed to just announce you have anxiety without fucking working on it. We all have anxiety. We’re not fucking special. Look around. We’re supposed to do something about it. Try."
I will. I'm gonna try harder. Thanks for the head's up...
“They never learned to put aside a fight that doesn’t matter because something else, like mom’s gonna be home soon and if we don’t clean the kitchen..” I was transported to my 14 year-old self putting away the knife I was chasing my brother with because mom was going to be home soon and we’d both catch hell of the kitchen wasn’t clean.
This is so good. The first part made me laugh (oldest of 6), then the paragraph that starts "More importantly, they’ve never learned to love their worst enemy" made me cry, then the last part made me feel ill. I'm scared you're right.
Lol. Thank you for this. As an only child, I do feel these things you speak of, I just never do them because it would be rude. I was brought up by very polite people who saved me, I believe, from the worst qualities of an only child. I totally agree with your last paragraph as well. We need more real connection, not less. I’m lucky enough to work with dogs for 31 years, and they have taught me a lot about not judging, compassion and the benefits of butt scratches. Love the writing. 💖💯🌈
They still want us to shut up and watch TV, don't talk about the bad stuff, just be nostalgic for a past that never was. Getting punched, sat on called fat. Watching them fight, steal, pee in my trash can. There are plenty of sibling rivalries where one literally dies, take Cain and Abel. My brothers were a good argument for only children.
It does seem to be an epidemic. I have a neighbor I've had for years and lately he just decides he's going to converse at a normal-to-loud daytime volume with his window wide open at 2:30am. I don't know if he has new late-night friends or he's lost his mind or what it is that's happening, but I feel certain he wouldn't have done this 5 years ago...or 7 or 11 or 17 because that's how long he's lived in the house next door and this has never happened in all these years. And he's a nice guy. We have, indeed, forgotten how to share the space.
While I'm here I wanted to say I loved Leaving Isn't the Hardest Thing and I just upgraded to a paid subscription and I think you're phenomenal.
😬 I’m gonna have to unpack this for a minute. Raising two children did round the edges a bit. Gonna go cry now
This essay was a RIDE.
I’m on board.
So, so, so, good.
Fuck yea!
From a middle child.
Amen, sister ... Amen!
But might I suggest that those who are NOT only children have CHOSEN to turn toward their egotistical selves and prefer to feel 'special' (i.e. entitled) than be fully human (fallible, generous, respectful) towards others.
I can't tell you how many total strangers I'd like to just slap because they act like they are more important than everyone around them.. all the time. I used to think to myself 'there's a person I do not need to know' when an (20%) occasional person acted like an ass, but now it seems like it's 90% or more.
Thanks for writing this. Can't wait to read more comments.
Some ranch podcast I was geeking out with the other night (okay, RedHills Rancher, and he's pretty good if you can stand the mild libertarian dumbass shit he say sometimes but he's fun and all about regenerative or sustainable or whatever ranching instead of making Bayer richer). So this guest of his was saying how living in the country makes people more self-sufficient and so he doesn't need anybody else. Both true and bullshit. True because you may have do be your own water and sewer department and you can grow some of your own food and say fuck off to the condo association. But in this poverty-encrusted run-down former village where I live, people don't have enough tools to get shit done so they borrow from people. And people lend a hand. Stop by in the morning and there's coffee. Because we aren't alone, after all. And when there ain't many of us, we need one another a fuck of a lot more. That's why you wave at strangers on the Dry Cimmaron dirt road to Kenton. That dude in the MAGA hat may be the guy you need to pull you out of a snowbank sometime. They may be an asshole in so many ways, their kid may be on crack and their fences look like shit but when the chips are down they've got a tow-chain and know how to use it without getting killed.
And also, too many people never had their little sis coax you into that big toy box then sit on it for like half an hour while you wondered if you would smother and all the while taunted you for not being able to do tricks on roller skates. But the bad stuff we saw in one another, the dumb shit we did, well, we forgot about it and don't bring it up. Ever. Like that time sis decided to oh never mind. Shit happens. We let shit slide.
Good writing, Lauren, and fun.
Nobody can push a button like a sibling. That teaches you things.
Thanks for this. I'm a middle. Thanks a lot. Birth order is a real thing. Oldest and only have a lot in common. Ijs..
Oldest of five, here. Everything was “AllofOurs”. Sharing was life. Even when we “hated” (of course, not really) each other, we would still have each others backs when someone else tried to hurt one of us. Even though we have all grown into completely different adult lives, we would still have each other’s back, even though some of us barely communicate now. And sharing with others is a way of life for all of us. There seems to be a balance we need to achieve in relationships where we have individual ownership of some things and consideration for other’s needs and boundaries. I know many “only” children who are the epitome of consideration and generosity. A sense of entitlement and inconsiderate behavior comes from a different place. (Perhaps inherent selfishness?) I am sad that you have had such difficult experiences with “onlies.” I wish you better in the future.