Badreads is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. I’ve been wanting to write about online harassment for years. Something I toy around with when I’m driving or walking my dog. But then, I’m always writing about it. I’ve just never gotten it right. How do you write it so someone can feel it. How do you make a person who still gets a little tingle of excitement, a nice little dopamine hit from that notification bell going red, how do you make that person feel the sick taste of bile in your throat that you get any time something you wrote starts going viral. How do you explain to someone who wants to go viral what going viral feels like. The absolute terror of it. The weight on your chest from that moment on. The knowledge that there are people who have never met you who watch every word you say waiting for you to slip up, who’ve stayed up nights searching for clues in every picture you’ve posted online, hoping to find you, or the people you love. How do you explain how careful you have to be, always, to never post in real time, to never show a location in an image, a window in the background, how you hide your address, how jarring it can be to hear your name in public, how you never follow family from your public accounts. How do you show them what it feel like to see the most deluded, rage-filled, armed to the teeth psychopaths pass your address around and post pictures of your front door.
On top of the blatant lack of awareness and ability to read the room, they lost me at the spelling of riddance…and the apology demand. Jesus Roosevelt Christ.
You handled this entire thing with so much class, grace and badassery. I hate the dark side of all of this for you, but god help the person who tries to go a round with you in the ring of words. I almost have to laugh at the audacity. As for Troy, I am sorry but I literally did not know it was possible to spell that many words incorrectly while simultaneously being that condescending. Byeeeee Troy.
Your candor, genuine, direct writing style make it visceral to see how I will never get it firsthand. It’s also one of the many reasons I continue to be a fan and continue to tell others about your writing.
I thought Troy sucked from the moment I saw that comment. Narcist (sic) are like a pebble in your shoe? Yeah. One where you have to cut your damned foot off to get rid of. All the misspellings in his I-Demand-An-Apology letter have me picturing spit flying off his lips as he furiously typed all that out and hit send without proofreading beyond [delete IRerfered by typo], sort of like the prayer answering scene in Bruce, Almighty.
Was in Amarillo to hit the ReStore for cheap-ass construction stuff and despite a shitty dust storm all afternoon, every single person was nice. Not fake South Carolina polite nice but really nice. And Taquería El Tapatillo on Coulter has quesabirria tacos now. The cop car outside of Bomb City Tattoo (down the way from the donut shop where the Cambodian lady at the drive thru has a smile that sparkles) almost had me convinced it's the place to go for ink (like cop cars outside the good diner). See how nice warps my pea brain.
So for a while I forgot that there's a factory somewhere that churns out fucking trolls, all pretty much clones of one another. The same fucking factory that makes aftermarket suspension lifts and big-ass exhaust pipes for troll dudes with small dicks who drive shit-exhaust modified diesel trucks like trolls drive. The idea of my buddy Wayne taking his bulldozer to that factory is comforting but every troll calls for a different judo, a different move or non move or punch in the nose. Gloves off, please.
Great respect for this sentiment and the way you expressed it.
"But sometimes you taste the blood on your tongue, and even though you know attention is the worst thing you can feed the obsessed, you know there are too many of them, and you know damn well it’s gonna hurt more, fuck it. You know you’re going down either way. You let your back hit the wall, and you swing with whatever you’ve got left. At least you didn’t go easy."
Just read the comments string and every single one of us managed to post with nary a misspelled (just looked that up) word. We are giving me hope, which I needed badly after reading these two posts and thinking maybe humans should just go ahead and extinguish their miserable selves. I decree that we win the Internet today. And Ken "Holy Fucking Fuck for Fuck's Sake", you are our king.
What's happening is pissing me off so much because it's stealing time from what you do so well. That's what bullies do; they make you so wound up you forget what means the most to you. I guess it's because they don't have it; if they did they'd get it and leave you alone. I just hope you see that there are many more out there putting a hand out to you to pull you up. We're here. We aren't going anywhere.
On top of the blatant lack of awareness and ability to read the room, they lost me at the spelling of riddance…and the apology demand. Jesus Roosevelt Christ.
You handled this entire thing with so much class, grace and badassery. I hate the dark side of all of this for you, but god help the person who tries to go a round with you in the ring of words. I almost have to laugh at the audacity. As for Troy, I am sorry but I literally did not know it was possible to spell that many words incorrectly while simultaneously being that condescending. Byeeeee Troy.
Your candor, genuine, direct writing style make it visceral to see how I will never get it firsthand. It’s also one of the many reasons I continue to be a fan and continue to tell others about your writing.
I thought Troy sucked from the moment I saw that comment. Narcist (sic) are like a pebble in your shoe? Yeah. One where you have to cut your damned foot off to get rid of. All the misspellings in his I-Demand-An-Apology letter have me picturing spit flying off his lips as he furiously typed all that out and hit send without proofreading beyond [delete IRerfered by typo], sort of like the prayer answering scene in Bruce, Almighty.
Was in Amarillo to hit the ReStore for cheap-ass construction stuff and despite a shitty dust storm all afternoon, every single person was nice. Not fake South Carolina polite nice but really nice. And Taquería El Tapatillo on Coulter has quesabirria tacos now. The cop car outside of Bomb City Tattoo (down the way from the donut shop where the Cambodian lady at the drive thru has a smile that sparkles) almost had me convinced it's the place to go for ink (like cop cars outside the good diner). See how nice warps my pea brain.
So for a while I forgot that there's a factory somewhere that churns out fucking trolls, all pretty much clones of one another. The same fucking factory that makes aftermarket suspension lifts and big-ass exhaust pipes for troll dudes with small dicks who drive shit-exhaust modified diesel trucks like trolls drive. The idea of my buddy Wayne taking his bulldozer to that factory is comforting but every troll calls for a different judo, a different move or non move or punch in the nose. Gloves off, please.
Great respect for this sentiment and the way you expressed it.
"But sometimes you taste the blood on your tongue, and even though you know attention is the worst thing you can feed the obsessed, you know there are too many of them, and you know damn well it’s gonna hurt more, fuck it. You know you’re going down either way. You let your back hit the wall, and you swing with whatever you’ve got left. At least you didn’t go easy."
Holy shit. Who the fuck are these people? And Aubrey Hirsch's essay...god I feel sick. I am so disgusted you have to fight through this.
Just read the comments string and every single one of us managed to post with nary a misspelled (just looked that up) word. We are giving me hope, which I needed badly after reading these two posts and thinking maybe humans should just go ahead and extinguish their miserable selves. I decree that we win the Internet today. And Ken "Holy Fucking Fuck for Fuck's Sake", you are our king.
What's happening is pissing me off so much because it's stealing time from what you do so well. That's what bullies do; they make you so wound up you forget what means the most to you. I guess it's because they don't have it; if they did they'd get it and leave you alone. I just hope you see that there are many more out there putting a hand out to you to pull you up. We're here. We aren't going anywhere.
Thanks for the picture of Woody.
Gah!! The stuff where people know where you live. Fuck. I’m sorry there’s so much of this crap that you have to cope with.
Holy fucking fuck for fuck's sake. I might go back to hiding my likes and my comments.
Well fucking fuck. I'm sorry, that's terrible.
Reminds me so much of Heather Armstrong, may she RIP. I really think the haters at their fever pitch were the final straw. So much ridiculous vitriol.
Aw, fuck him.
Sometimes you just have to rip that bandaid off. Serious read here until the last line that made me laugh. You are a treasure.
I wonder about people who have time to be actively hateful. Do they have jobs or are they independently wealthy or getting public assistance or what?