It started as a joke, or something like it—what would happen if I dropped acid and listened to some of the music that got me through those angsty years.
God Lauren, I actually have tears streaming down my face. Hard to articulate how some of these songs saved me and how your writing guts me but I’m grateful.
Goddamn you took me back to my shitty little suburban town with the good football team. And finding Nirvana at the little record store. I was a punk kid whose friends were mostly girls, who got the shit beat out of him. I'm still in touch with the friend who gave me a mix tape with the Dead Kennedys and Talking Heads back in '83. We feared 2016 because we remember what the 1980s were like.
I'm in touch with about 3 people from a school of 400 from that time. He sounds like he'd be the 4th if you both attended high school in the town that produced Martha Stewart instead of Amarillo.
Oh I would've loved to be friends with you! I didn't discover Talking Heads until maybe '84. I grew up in a soul-deadening suburban area too. I was one of those girls that "floated" in high school - not in any group. I thought the punk kids were so cool but I was afraid to stick my neck out. I was just so driven to get the hell out of my shitty suburban existence that I flew very low under the radar just keeping my grades up so I could go to college. I know it was ESPECIALLY hard for boys to stand up to the types of boys that were everywhere - football players, mainstream jerks with no imagination and a very big sense of cruel entitlement. I was super into Bronski Beat but everybody was closeted if they were gay. Good times!
Fabulous play list. The town I haunted long ago had an alternative rock station that played all this stuff. Yours could have been a playlist. I died a little when it sold to a big network.
And thanks for reminding me about leaving places, again. It reminds me that I did the right thing.
Good morning and welcome to coffee and tears with your host Lauren Hough...jesus christ. I grew up in bumfuck Ohio and yes to music as my saviour. I feel this playlist in my bones.
Lauren!!! Jesus fuck. That playlist. It's perfection. So is this essay. Cannot wait to listen to the playlist when my kids are at school and I can let myself be transported to the lonely yet strangely beautiful place of being that weird teen in a small town in the mid 90s discovering feelings and realities I hadn't known about via a tape from a friend, a visit to the record store, some article you read in a gay or alt music publication you read in secret at a bookstore.
This was an incredible essay. And even though I think I'm a little younger than you, unfortunately these types of things/attitudes happened when and where I was growing up too.
But then my mind fixated on the fact that I distinctly remember hearing fast car on the radio and lightning crashes and 4 non-blondes (none of whom I knew knew who they were. Let's be clear about that. I had no no clue. I was 8/9/10) and I'm like, how is that possible? Because this would've been around '94-'95 and my town was just a nowhere town on a minor Florida river with like 20-30, 000 people in it. But then I realized, we were listening to radio from Tampa Florida, just an hour away over the bay. So, while it wasn't exactly a Mecca of culture, I'm sure we got more variety than Amarillo, plus I might be misremembering the timeframe I heard these songs.
Anyway, I loved this piece, I will cherish this playlist, and oh fuck did I cry when Tracy Chapman performed last night. ❤️
Goddamn those small Tx towns. At least we'll never run out of shit to write about. Proud of your brother for wearing that dress. My only lucky break was that the big city of Houston was only a 45 minute drive south. My best friend and I would sneak out and go dancing all night at Numbers on Westheimer. That was the first time I saw a boy in a dress that wasn't on MTV, spinning to Right round baby, right round. That best friend went on to be a DJ in Lubbock in the 90s. Top 40, I think. I hope she played you a song or two.
Pretty much … amazing how we shared those tapes around. Glad your brother got out. My husband did, too—run out of town (different town) at 14 by some boys with a gun. Luckily he had family in Denver.
I’m listening to your playlist and swimming through my own past. This is the music that got me through - and sometimes simply kept me alive. What a gift to be able to look back at it all from here and now, even when it hurts.
God Lauren, I actually have tears streaming down my face. Hard to articulate how some of these songs saved me and how your writing guts me but I’m grateful.
Thank you. 🙏🏽
I didn't realize until I had finished reading that I was crying 😢
Goddamn you took me back to my shitty little suburban town with the good football team. And finding Nirvana at the little record store. I was a punk kid whose friends were mostly girls, who got the shit beat out of him. I'm still in touch with the friend who gave me a mix tape with the Dead Kennedys and Talking Heads back in '83. We feared 2016 because we remember what the 1980s were like.
You and my brother would’ve been good friends I think.
I'm in touch with about 3 people from a school of 400 from that time. He sounds like he'd be the 4th if you both attended high school in the town that produced Martha Stewart instead of Amarillo.
Oh I would've loved to be friends with you! I didn't discover Talking Heads until maybe '84. I grew up in a soul-deadening suburban area too. I was one of those girls that "floated" in high school - not in any group. I thought the punk kids were so cool but I was afraid to stick my neck out. I was just so driven to get the hell out of my shitty suburban existence that I flew very low under the radar just keeping my grades up so I could go to college. I know it was ESPECIALLY hard for boys to stand up to the types of boys that were everywhere - football players, mainstream jerks with no imagination and a very big sense of cruel entitlement. I was super into Bronski Beat but everybody was closeted if they were gay. Good times!
This is why I subscribe to Bad Reads. Thank you, Lauren
❤️
Fabulous play list. The town I haunted long ago had an alternative rock station that played all this stuff. Yours could have been a playlist. I died a little when it sold to a big network.
And thanks for reminding me about leaving places, again. It reminds me that I did the right thing.
You did the right thing.
Good morning and welcome to coffee and tears with your host Lauren Hough...jesus christ. I grew up in bumfuck Ohio and yes to music as my saviour. I feel this playlist in my bones.
❤️❤️❤️ we need to hang out and smoke something when I get home
Lauren!!! Jesus fuck. That playlist. It's perfection. So is this essay. Cannot wait to listen to the playlist when my kids are at school and I can let myself be transported to the lonely yet strangely beautiful place of being that weird teen in a small town in the mid 90s discovering feelings and realities I hadn't known about via a tape from a friend, a visit to the record store, some article you read in a gay or alt music publication you read in secret at a bookstore.
I hope you enjoy it.
This was an incredible essay. And even though I think I'm a little younger than you, unfortunately these types of things/attitudes happened when and where I was growing up too.
But then my mind fixated on the fact that I distinctly remember hearing fast car on the radio and lightning crashes and 4 non-blondes (none of whom I knew knew who they were. Let's be clear about that. I had no no clue. I was 8/9/10) and I'm like, how is that possible? Because this would've been around '94-'95 and my town was just a nowhere town on a minor Florida river with like 20-30, 000 people in it. But then I realized, we were listening to radio from Tampa Florida, just an hour away over the bay. So, while it wasn't exactly a Mecca of culture, I'm sure we got more variety than Amarillo, plus I might be misremembering the timeframe I heard these songs.
Anyway, I loved this piece, I will cherish this playlist, and oh fuck did I cry when Tracy Chapman performed last night. ❤️
Those songs were on the radio. Sometimes. It was a lot of good shit that wasn’t.
Goddamn those small Tx towns. At least we'll never run out of shit to write about. Proud of your brother for wearing that dress. My only lucky break was that the big city of Houston was only a 45 minute drive south. My best friend and I would sneak out and go dancing all night at Numbers on Westheimer. That was the first time I saw a boy in a dress that wasn't on MTV, spinning to Right round baby, right round. That best friend went on to be a DJ in Lubbock in the 90s. Top 40, I think. I hope she played you a song or two.
Probably listened to her at my cousins’ house.
Numbers!! 🥰
Numbers! 🙌🩷
I love the way you write. It's unconventional and uncomfortable and I feel it in my heart. This was amazing
As someone else here already said, this is why I subscribe. Beauty, pain, love, tons of other stuff, all rolled up in one gorgeous piece.
I don’t know how you do it. But you do it every damn time. Thank you.
Wow. I hear you when I'm reading this. One of your best (so far). A lovely tribute to your brother.
Thank you
Pretty much … amazing how we shared those tapes around. Glad your brother got out. My husband did, too—run out of town (different town) at 14 by some boys with a gun. Luckily he had family in Denver.
Now I need someone to hold me.
Goddamn.
I’m listening to your playlist and swimming through my own past. This is the music that got me through - and sometimes simply kept me alive. What a gift to be able to look back at it all from here and now, even when it hurts.